My other novel on the making: The Ballbuster (Previous Title: The ungodly hour)

You can find this and other stories of mine on Wattpad

First Chapter: The Ungodly Hour

   That son of a bitch. That …. bastard- prick, jerk….son of a bitch. Good riddance…it. Was. A freaking… good riddance. The truth of these words would start sinking in me at some point. It was bound to happen…surely.

     I felt my fingers numbing around the crushed paper hidden in my hand. Maybe if I pressed it harder it wouldn’t be real. In an act of magic it would disappear, a girl could always hope, right? No, I stopped myself a second later; if an act magic was going to take place let it not be wasted on that.  No. I would much rather for him to go impotent. Permanently. And bald… at random spots. That would be good and fair. Themis, herself would be proud. Not that I was Greek…but. Yeah, it applied. Her just love would without doubt unfurl something large enough to welcome a non Greek in its warm, vindictive embrace.

    Really. How was it possible for six non-consequentialwords to bring the world down to your feet? I was pretty sure that normally, those words- when separated- wouldn’t mean a thing. But when arranged in such order in such a day? It was sheer luck I was still standing.

    Everything felt surreal to me…as though I was a spectator at the back of my throbbing head but nothing more. I swear I could hear the blood pumping in my ears, muting the rest of the world. My body, mind and soul were irrevocably disconnected. Time became irrelevant, my movements little better than lethargic and my traitorous mind was wandering back and forth without coherent pattern to follow. Why wouldn’t my mind stick to the plan? Even Dorothy knew this. Follow the freaking proverbial yellow brick path! But no…the places where my back-stabbing psyche adventured were hellish. Nothing yellow about it. More like blue…like a sad, sad blues. But even those emotions didn’t feel like my own.

    With a cold sense of detachment of it all, I stopped staring at my unfamiliar, trembling hands to look afore me. Somehow I had managed avoiding doing so until now. I frowned in open disgust, nothing could have ever prepared me for what I saw; the glee in some eyes, the pity in others. Vultures, a voice in my head whispered in my ear. My stomach knotted in understandable response. I tried to picture the crowd naked…that only increased the speed of bile running its way up my burning throat.

    My gaze hadn’t been raised completely when a sudden thought hit me. It’s not odd for a residence with a vantage view to be priced higher than those looking to a wall. Right now…I would pay double for having a wall in front of me instead of this. You see, at the altar there was very little that could not be seen. I could even easily discern the stark pity shinning through in the many eyes focusing on me. For me. I hated it. It wasn’t welcomed. I didn’t want it nor needed it, damn it. 

     How could he? How could a person be this cruel?

    I shook my head, refusing to go there. Not yet. Not when there were so many people watching my downfall. Relishing on it, even. Besides, if I started dwelling on it now it would show. I didn’t have a poker face. It had always been like that. Whatever I think ends up showing in my features as though it was an open search in google for the world to see.

    “Can I have your attention, please? I have an announcement to make.” I said this in a steady tone, forcing strength and conviction through my gritted teeth. Even then, I felt tears starting to build behind my eyes, my throat was threatening with closing in on me….choking down the words for good. Not that the idea didn’t have its appeal. But I had to do this. Only then I could give in to the pain consuming my core.

     Bastard. Hear, hear! Let it be known that from now on he would be acknowledged as Lord Voldemort. The unmentionable one. That or the bastard. I refused to call him any other way.    

     Humph. So many eyes. So many freaking eyes were watching me. Heavy droplets of cold sweat ran the length of my stiffened spine; my mouth felt awfully parched. I hated it. In a sudden surge of suppressed anger, I pressed even harder the paper in my hand as though that was his sorry neck. I smiled in dark satisfaction at that.

     Raising my chin higher, “The wedding is off. Feel free to show yourself the way to the reception and stuff yourself up.” Like turkeys. “After all, everything is paid for so...” I started to march down the aisle, trying to pay no heed to the insistent gawks and hurtful comments thrown my way. I continued on, never turning around to lock eyes with anyone. I’d have loved to walk in a faster pace but that would have required taking off my high heels…and if I was going to keep something, pride and shoes seemed fine and dandy with me. How very Sex and the City of me to associate pride with high heels. But there it was…I refused to give him what little I had left.

     The swoosh among the congregation didn’t have me long to wait. It went from a quiet shushing to a blatant gossiping in less than fifteen seconds flat. And the worse of it all was that all of these people were here for him but I was the one left behind to faze them. To sort out the mess. Damn it. Damn him. I barely knew a few of the vultures sitting here. And those few who did know me looked elsewhere as though I carried the bubonic pest in my gaze.

    “I saw it coming.” Said a lady on the front row. The older women sitting next to her nodded her agreement. She bobbed her head enthusiastically. I wished for her head to fall off her neck. That would teach her.  

     In a spit of anger I wanted to yell at them: “then why the fuck didn’t you say a thing, Betty White?”

    No, that wasn’t right, I chastised myself right away. I didn’t like this woman. I liked Betty White. Nobody could hate that particular old lady. She was awesome. Humph. I wished to be her right now; she would know what to do. And if not she would at least keep interesting company…Like Hugh Jackman or Ryan Reynolds.

    “Can you blame him, really? I might have done the same thing had I been him.” Said a chubby guy, who I vaguely recognized as one of the college friends of the Unmentionable One.

    I sneered mentally at the guy, raising my chin higher still—in a separate note, if I kept that up I would end up looking heavenward--Short of growling, I said, “Well, the joke is on you, frat boy. I wouldn’t have  given you even the time of the day. Jerk.” I would like to say his words didn’t hurt me. But they cut deep, and at the moment I didn’t have enough strength left in me to lie, much less, to myself. Maybe after a hard-core week of self-pity I’ll have the strength to start picking up the pieces and put up a front. Smile 24-7 until the inside matches the self-forced-smiley outside.  

    My scrambling mind started wandering of its own accord...again. But this time I knew where it was headed. Apathy for the bastard should have been rolling off me in strong waves; strong enough to sweep somebody’s feet from under them. The rot feeling was definitely there, at the pit of my stomach, which apparently was taking the whole brunt of the event like a Vietnam Veteran…However, some of that anger was self-directed. I started questioning if there was something wrong with me. If there was something I should have done differently. As stupid as it sounded. But that was that.

    Damn it, I didn’t want to think about it right now but….his nerve baffled the mind, really. Questions and more questions started pouring from somewhere deep in my soul. As though the thing was bleeding profusely and now couldn’t be stopped. It’s just that… He could have talked to me. I would have listened. Instead he decided to give me the silence of his absence…For he didn’t considerate necessary to explain why. And to think I approached him nothing short of a month ago and gave him a way out. I did so even when it cost me a part of my soul that will never be the same. Last time I checked that didn’t regenerate. But I couldn’t pretend that things hadn’t changed after the incident five months ago. I wasn’t the same one afterwards…neither was he for that matter. Not willing to play the fool, I went to him and told him that it wasn’t too late to stop everything. That we could have a quiet arrangement and that I wouldn’t think less of him because of it. (Sure. I would have been angry –at the time being- and most likely I’d have hated him for a couple of years. But eventually I would have gotten over it. I’d have been grateful, even. Probably. At some point, surely.) One thing was for certain though. I loved him and because of that I wanted him to be happy even if it wasn’t with me. There was a selfish part about my approaching him. I did it for me as well. I didn’t want to get married for the wrong reasons, I remember saying to him. I didn’t need an honorable, bitter man standing next to me for the rest of my life, I assured him. I wanted a husband who loved me for me… not because of a compromise and some wrongly misplaced sense of honor. I wanted a man who cherished the time spent with me. Not a man who considered me a heavy weight to be dealt with. I wanted a lover…a partner. 

    To think…that The Bastard looked me in the eye that day and with a heavy tone told me that I was crazy for bringing that up. That he loved me no matter what. That I needed to get it into my thick skull that we belonged together, that nothing would change that…that he was going nowhere without me, he said. So long for that, right?

    Working on a faster pace, I made my way out of the church, leaving behind the twilight zone. Trying idly to outrun the turmoil of my sadistic mind which was settled on destroying what little pride I had left. But my mind wouldn’t shut up regardless of how far I went or how hard I ran. One thing was for certain: Mind can be such a bitch.

    I felt so utterly lonely…the day I was supposed to get married. The day I wasn’t supposed to be alone anymore. When the heavy doors opened, I welcomed the bitter cold air hitting my face. It was like a wake up slap from reality. I stopped at the front stairs of the church to breathe but soon found out I couldn’t. Not with everything so close…so fresh. So I took my shoes in hand and ran and then kept on running without a real sense of purpose or as it to where. Pressing one last time the paper folded in my hand, I finally let it slip out of my tight hold. I didn’t need it anymore. I knew the words by memory.

    “I can’t marry you. Sorry--Keith.”

The first chapter of The Ascension of the Phoenix: Trailed

Chapter 1: Trailed

You would assume getting sent into a reformatory is a clear sign that your life is pretty messed up. And most likely you would be right... Not that it matters anymore. Since today was my last day inside the Sorensen Reformatory. It wasn’t as bad as one would think. I wouldn’t go that far and say I would have liked to stay there any longer since my life is not that messed up as to prefer a reformatory instead of returning home…but the thing is, I don’t have a home to return to…Perhaps a house but not a home. And that’s something else I must learn to live with. Another mistake to weight down the already heavy sack on my back. Whatever. I shook my head, releasing my mind from such troubling thoughts. I had a home; darn it…no matter the place- home was with mom.

    Hmm, on second thought…I guess home shall be whichever place is Ed lives. By the way, what kind of name is Ed? I mean, that’s more like a nickname than a name, right? That’s a two letters name…just saying. Anyhow, I only got to hear about Ed a few weeks ago during one of my restricted phone calls. So yes, I haven’t even met him but I’m supposed to go directly out of here and then get into his home…yay me! Not.

     Alyson, aka mom, told me that we’ve been doing things my way and let’s not talk about the consequences- she just very delicately pointed out the place from which I was calling her, so now we will be doing things her way. And getting hitch with Ed was the way to go. So yes, Ed is, aka: my stepfather to be. Maybe somebody should tell mom that we teenagers are more than fine with an Ipad. Just saying.

    At first, she wasn’t really in love with the guy- she was only doing it for me, for us. And it sounded as the best way to hide our scents from the fire hounds which were starting to step closer. I knew this in my heart; every wild heartbeat pumped updates of their closeness to my ears. That’s how it works. But during our last call, right after she dropped the Hiroshima bomb on me, the pending threat of the fire hounds was the last thing on my mind.  “I love him”, she said and all hell broke loose. That should have been enough reason for me to put my foot down and stop this thing right away, since mixing business with pleasure has never been a good idea to start anything. But… she hasn’t been happy for so long. And giving her the space to explore whatever this is was the least I could do. Perhaps I was being blindsided by my remorseful side. Whatever the reason-even if I come to regret this—I am going to back down and let her enjoy it. It’s just that mom truly deserves to be more than cheerful after the huge sacrifices she has done for me- which lately have been plenty.

    Darn it, there I go again. No self-pitying! Much less when there was no amaretto ice cream near by! Yeah. Easier said than done. Leaving our people behind wasn’t easy, let’s not say about giving up immortality-well kinda, long story…But then again, who would want immortality when you would be forced to spend it next to someone who believed in everything you stood against? But that was me. That was my problem. Not hers. Never hers. She could have easily turned me in to our people and keep up the life style. The act itself wouldn’t have been frowned upon. We are no humans, so we have never worked under the same family attachments as humans do. But that was back then now we are a solid unit…since the two of us is all there is.

   I don’t think the thought of giving me in ever crossed her mind. And that’s why I won’t put a stop to what’s going on in her life –it’s my way of paying her back. Even when everything inside me was telling me how wrong it was for her to be with a human as a “mate”.  Maybe it was not “me” parse what was talking …but the tradition by which I was raised…the phoenixes shouldn’t mix with humans-that’s law. But then again, phoenixes aren’t meant to abandon Ceylon- the compound from which we are now and forever forsaken-and we did. Maybe some rules are meant to be broken. I would sure do it all over again in the space of a heartbeat. No matter the troubles it has caused us.

    I tilted by head back and let the sweet scent of liberty fill my nostrils, to be quite sincere; the air smelled pretty much the same that back at my room. I think it’s because liberty doesn’t have a particular scent to it, except when you are a prisoner locked in a dingy room…then liberty will sure smell like something to you. But it did felt different though, because it was the end of the summer and I sure loved the sun hitting my face…that’s liberty to me.

    As soon as those gigantic, black iron gates opened, my jaw hit the ground, I saw my once glorious car waiting outside for me-but I only wanted to cry. Since my black 78 Chevy Camaro had been tainted by HER…Alyson was driving it; I can see it, she must have been treating it like if it was a vulgar shopping cart. She was checking out her nails, dismissively, resting her back against the side of the car. 

    Irritation started flowing through my veins in a ridiculous speed. Over nothing, really. I felt like ants were crawling inside my skin; many of them. In seconds it was turning into something dark and dangerous. I breathed in and out a few times, trying to calm the rising explosion. Closing my eyes, I focused with all my might on burying the feelings deep inside me. I thought I was handling quite well the effect of being in close proximity to humans. But obviously not so. Their emotions were like a slow torture these past days since I couldn’t process them properly.  They were coming in but not out. And they were magnifying my own. Tapping the wilderness of my kind.

    Once I felt in control, I tightened my hands on the straps of my bag and made my way to where she was standing. Mom smiled genuinely at me and her green jade eyes were filled by tears starting to build. I have always thought she looks prettier when surrounded by mortals…it gives her an interesting glow. And I must admit something about our relationship; while, I will never say it out loud…I envied her. She’s so beautiful it hurts the eyes; every time we walk together everyone only looks at her, I’m nonexistent next to her. That doesn’t mean I would like to have a human mate like she does, but still, I do have a battered self-esteem-thanks to her. Her long red hair looks like a volcanic eruption while mine is as black as the ashes left after the fire is way done, and let’s not talk about her figure…not too long ago I learned, thanks to her, again, what the letters MILTF stand for (Let’s just say one of my creepy roommates kept asking me when Alyson was coming back…and those letters happened to be among the conversation…yeah- I won’t be missing some things from the reformatory). The only common thing between us is our green jade eyes and some other things you wouldn’t be able to point out just by sight. But as soon as I saw her honest reaction by just seeing me, my stupid insecurities went away. Her arms flew wide open and I buried myself in her earnest embrace.

    “Nix, are you all right? I have missed you so much!” Her voice has some melodious tone to it and like if her looks weren’t enough, every time she speaks people seems to fall in love with her. I extended my hand and played with one of the curls of her red hair as I always did since little, but things have change, as proof of it I could smell Ed’s scent on her, and that’s why I took my hand back to my side.

    I wrapped my arms around me, almost giving myself a hug. “Yeah mom, I am perfectly fine…um, could we leave now?” I turned tenser than I would have liked, since I didn’t want to hurt her…but it’s hard to get used to the fact of my mom dating- and what not- a human.  I walked to the driver seat, when mom scratched her throat. She only scratches her throat when something is wrong since we never get sick. So, with meticulous control, I turned around to see what she was about. And that’s when I noticed she had followed me; she was standing right behind me. Gosh, my reflexes suck! “Mom, you know you can’t sit on my lap. There is the passenger seat, though; I bet is not as comfortable, but it will have to do.” I smiled sweetly.

   She crossed her arms over her chest, and for the first time I happened to see what she was wearing. She looked gorgeous in that teal blue cocktail dress she was wearing; it even had some serious cleavage going on for her. Then I asked myself…why on earth would a person dress up like that to pick up someone who just got out from a reformatory. I was wearing some wore old jeans with a bland white t-shirt and my old gray converse …yeah, like a said, battered self-esteem.

    She tapped her nose with her forefinger and removed it only to point at me. “Well let’s see, shall we? According to judge Matthews, you are not supposed to drive for at least six more months. When due time…maybe then you can drive again. So yes, Nix, I guess the passenger seat will have to do- for you.”

    I craned my neck…I got some spasms going on there, some serious stress accumulated. “Alyson, don’t get me wrong, but you do drive like an old lady and I need to release some energy before meeting your beloved Ed. So…”I waived her off.

    Under normal circumstances her voice would soothe the crankiest person in the whole world. But when she was mad? Hell no. It gave her a dangerous edge…an edge that would intimidate almost anyone.  “Nix, passenger seat. Now.” She narrowed her eyes at me…and there was no need to be so rude!

   I harrumphed. Just for the show. Of course I would do as told but nobody said I had to smile while I do it. “Fine woman, but when you see me cranky- Oh, and that will happen…don’t ask why!”

    Shrugging one shoulder, “I guess will have to manage and something tells me we will survive.” She said with a bored tone. “By the way, when was the last time you used your powers?”

     I furrowed my eyebrows, “Two full moons ago, why?” I looked at her with kindled curiosity.

     She smiled in that condescending way mothers- no matter the breed- like to use, “Well, maybe that’s why you are so cranky. I am not taking away from your natural capacity to be so, sweetheart. But this time I think it’s just your powers talking.”

   I walked pass her and reluctantly took the passenger seat. I threw my bag on the back seat and as soon as I was inside my car I couldn’t help but noticing all the empty and disgusting recipients from fast food laying around. “Mom, what the hell? Have you been eating in my car? Couldn’t you just throw them out? You can take the truth out of a person but you can’t manage to throw away some garbage?” I started to pick things up and throwing them inside an empty bag all along while mumbling things like: courtesy and polite society.

    Mom rolled her eyes, “Dear, the next full moon is within two days and I am begging of you that as soon as you get the chance, go and release some stamina.” She gave me this sideway smile and then couldn’t help but to let out a soulful sigh. I knew what was bothering her… that as soon as she started the engine it could only mean we would be on our way to Ed’s house. “Look, I know you are apprehensive and a little upset about this whole thing…but you will like it, I promise.” I widened my eyes when she said a “little”.  As though I hadn’t hinted anything, she started the engine and away we went.

    I crushed my teeth, “Don’t make promises you might not be able to keep, Alyson.” Regret flowed to me as soon as the words were out. “I’m sorry…Umm, I bet you are right, mom. I will like it…I will love it there.” Or fake it until I make it.

    I wanted to hit myself. What happened to the promise I made earlier about backing out and let her bask in her… glow? I was sure doing a poor job at it! I swear I wasn’t this conceited under normal circumstances. At least I didn’t think I was. I smiled at her, trying my best to make my empty words sound somehow heartfelt. “I am serious, Mom. I am fine with all of this.” 

   Looking at me out the corner of her eyes, “You’ll have your own room and there is Declan and Joshua…you always said you wanted sisters...” I looked at her like if to say did you just call them sisters? “I know they are not girls’, darling, but it’s better than nothing at all…you’ll have brothers then.”

    “Mom, I am seventeen, I think I am over the phase of “momma I want sisters to play with”, and in case you have been giving some thought to it…I won’t babysit.” There was a line I needed to draw somewhere. And babysitting humans was it.

     She laughed at it…but I was dead serious about it. “There is no need, Nix.”

    At that I was offended, “Oh, why? Because I am an irresponsible teenager who just got out from a reformatory? Doesn’t Ed approve me?” I know I was being irrational here but I couldn’t help it. Truly. Hurtful words just came tumbling out of my mouth without any command on my part. Then again, it was to be expected, it’s just that I thought I would be able to handle it better…or more gracefully. I should have known better. What the hell was I thinking when I thought I could control this? I didn’t complete my training, for pity’s sake! I felt like a preschooler. I might know history and math and what not…but I didn’t know the first thing of being a phoenix. And wasn’t that important! 

    I heard teeth clenching, “There is no way to make you happy, is it? And no, Nix, Ed doesn’t even know where you had been for the last couple of months. Well, sort of. I told him you were on an exchange program.” I saw a flicker of regret cross her eyes. I could tell she didn’t like lying to Ed. No, I corrected myself. She just didn’t like to lie. Lying to Ed hurt her that much more.

    And still, even knowing this I couldn’t bring myself to juts shut the hell up. “Wow mom, what a way to start a relationship!”

    Her knuckles turned white due to the hard pressing of her fingers on the wheel. “Nix, I am starting to think than since we can’t fast-forward the full moon, you should drive.”

    “Really?” Hope bursting inside me.

    She snorted, “No, of course not. So suck it up, darling.”

     I gave a snort of my own, “So mom, who taught you that language…was it Ed?”  Without waiting for an answer, I turned my face away from her and focused on the trailing of trees left behind.

     She blew out a sigh as if to center herself or gather enough courage. She was wearing some tight smile…and it was scaring the crap out of me…it was a smile I knew all too well. Yeah, it’s the kind of smile she only wears when she thinks she is doing something good for me…but then I totally disagree. “Um…Nix, there is something else. I sign you up in a human school, you are starting on Monday.” She didn’t even bother looking back at me. And I have to give something to her…she never goes round and around over things…just straight to the heart…like right now. Ouch.

   “What?”

And my personal hell broke loose. 

Inspired by soap operas...

With tears in her eyes, "Is this what getting older means? Accepting that you're not that special, at least not as much as you originally thought?;
He remained quiet. Until she began to think he hadn't heard her. Then with solemnity that only tough times can bestow, "No. That's not what it means. It's just that you haven't met the right person yet. Because that person is who'll convince you of how especial you really are."