Hotties with a body the world should know by heart...Part 2

Well, hello there. I know I have been lost but I do have to show up to work and get this--actually get some WORK done. Sometimes life is so effing unfair-sighs- and interferes with my dreams. So...where were we? Oh yes, I was discussing Kit Harington sexiness. I want to let something clear, he may be number ten on the list but it is not based on him being less sexy than the res...no, I put him there because he is well known by his role (Jon Snow) in Game of thrones. That being said, let's get down to business. Drums please....

Bill Skarsgard

“Pain was as much a part of this life as the summer and the winter and the rain, and there was no greater asshole than the one who believed you can cure it.” Quote from Hemlock Grove 

  So Netflix released an American Horror Thriller titled Hemlock Grove and one of the leading actors is none other than Bill Skarsgard (Roman Godfrey)...brother of Alex Skarsgard- imagine the christmas cards, ladies and boys who likes boys! The swedish twenty-two year old has plenty of acting experience to back him up....and a free spot for a girlfriend. Oh and did I mention he modeled for H&M   or that he has this great lips? 'Cause he does...Trust me...I am a fan.

             

Something I've been working on:The ungodly hour

PrologueThat son of a bitch. That cock sucker….bastard- prick, jerk….son of a bitch.
I felt my fingers numbing around the carefully folded white paper resting in my hand. Maybe if I pressed it harder it wouldn’t be real. In an act of magic it would disappear, a girl could always hope.
No, I stopped myself, if an act magic was going to take place let’s not waste it on that. No. I would much rather for him to go impotent. That would be good and fair. Themis,
herself would be proud.
How was it possible for six non-consequential words to bring the world down to your feet? I was pretty sure that normally those words- when separate- wouldn’t mean a thing. But when arranged in such order in such day…it was sheer luck I was still standing.
Everything felt surreal to me…as though I was a spectator at the back of my throbbing head
but nothing more. My body, mind and soul were irrevocably disconnected. Time
was irrelevant, my movements little better than lethargic and my traitorous mind
was wandering back and forth without a coherent pattern to follow. I stopped
staring at my unfamiliar, trembling hands to look afore me. Somehow I had successfully
managed to avoid doing so until now. But nothing could have ever prepared me
for what I saw; my stomach knotted in understandable response. I tried to
picture the crowd naked…that only increased the speed of the bile running its
way up.
My gaze hadn’t been raised completely when a sudden thought struck me. It’s not
odd for a residence with a vantage view to be priced higher than those looking
to a wall. Right now…I would pay double for having a wall in front of me instead of this. You see, at the altar there was very little that could not be seen. I could even easily discern the stark pity shinning in the many eyes
focusing on me. For me. I hated it. It wasn’t welcomed. I didn’t want it nor
needed it, damn it.
How could he?
I shook my head, refusing to go there. Not when there were so many people
watching my downfall.
“Can I have your attention, please? I have an announcement to make.” I said this in
a steady tone, forcing strength and conviction through my gritted teeth. Even
then, I felt tears starting to build behind my eyes, my throat was threatening
with closing in on me….choking down the words. But I had to do this. Only then
could I give in to the pain consuming my core.
Bastard. Hear, hear! Let it be known
that from now on he would be acknowledged as Lord Voldemort. The unmentionable
one. That or the bastard. I refused to call him any other way.
So many eyes. So many freaking eyes were watching me. I pressed even harder the
paper in my hand as though that was his sorry neck. I smiled in dark
satisfaction at that.
Raising my chin, “The wedding is off. Feel free to show yourself the way to the reception
and stuff yourself up. After all, everything is paid for so let’s not waste
it.” I started to march down the aisle. Not turning around to lock eyes with
anyone. I’d have loved to walk in a faster pace but that would have required
taking off my high heels…and if I was going to keep something, pride and shoes
seemed fine and dandy with me. How very Sex and the City of me to associate
pride with high heels. But there it was…I refused to give him what little I had
left.
The swoosh among the congregation didn’t have me long to wait. And the worse of it
all was that all of these people were here for him but I was the one left behind
to faze them. To sort out the mess. Damn it. Damn him. I barely knew a few of
the vultures sitting here. And those few who did know me looked elsewhere as
though I carried the bubonic pest in my gaze.
“I saw it coming.” Said a lady on the front row. The
older women sitting next to her nodded her agreement. She bobbed her head
enthusiastically. I wished for her head to fall off her neck. That would teach
her.
In a spit of anger I wanted to yell at them: “then why the fuck didn’t you say a
thing, Betty White?”
No, that wasn’t right, I chastised myself. I didn’t like this woman. I liked Betty
White. Nobody could hate that particular old lady. She was awesome. Hm. I wished
I could be her right now, she would know what to do. And if not she would at
least keep interesting company…Like Hugh Jackman or Ryan Reynolds.
“Can you blame him, really? I might have done the same thing had I been him.” Said
a chubby guy, who I vaguely recognized as one of the college friends of the
Unmentionable One.
I sneered mentally at the guy, raising my chin even higher, “Well, the joke is on you, frat boy. I wouldn’t have given you even the
time of the day. Jerk.” I said under my breath. I would like to say his
words didn’t hurt me. But they cut deep, and at the moment I didn’t have enough
strength left in me to lie, much less, to myself. Maybe after a hard-core week
of self-pity I’ll have the strength to start picking up the pieces and put up a
front. Smile 24-7 until the inside matched the forced-smiley outside.
My
mind started wandering of its own accord...again. But this time I knew where it
was headed. Apathy for the bastard should have been rolling off me in strong
waves. The rot feeling was definitely there, at the pit of my stomach, which apparently
was taking the whole brunt of the event…But some of that anger was
self-directed. I started questioning if there was something wrong with me. If
there was something I should have done differently? As stupid as it sounded. But
that was that.
Damn
it, I didn’t want to think about it but….his nerve baffled the mind, really. Questions
and more questions started pouring from somewhere deep in my soul. As though
the thing was bleeding profusely and now couldn’t be stopped. It’s just that… He
could have talked to me. I would have listened. Instead he decided to give me
the silence of his absence…For he didn’t considerate necessary to explain why.
And to think I approached him nothing but a month ago and gave him a way out. I
did so even when it cost me a part of my heart that will never be the same. But
I couldn’t pretend that things hadn’t changed after the incident. I wasn’t the
same one…neither was he for that matter. So I went to him and told him that it
wasn’t too late to stop everything. That we could have a quiet arrangement and
that I wouldn’t think less of him. I didn’t want to get married for the wrong
reasons. I didn’t need an honorable man standing next to me for the rest of my
life. I wanted a husband who loved me for me… not because of a compromise. A
man who cherished the time spent with me.
The
bastard looked me in the eye and told me I was crazy for bringing that up. That
he loved me and nothing would change that. And that I needed to get it into my
thick skull that we belonged together, that nothing would change that…that he
was going nowhere without me, he said. So long for that, right?
Working
on a faster pace, I made my way out of the church, leaving behind the twilight
zone. Trying idly to outrun the turmoil of my sadistic mind which was settled
on destroying what little pride I had left. But my mind wouldn’t shut up
regardless of how far I went or how hard I ran. One thing was for certain: Mind
can be such a bitch.
I
felt so utterly lonely…the day I was supposed to get married. The day I wasn’t
supposed to be alone.
When
the doors opened I welcomed the bitter cold hitting my face. I stopped at the front
stairs of the church to breathe but soon found out I couldn’t. Not with
everything so close…so fresh. So I kept on running. Pressing one last time the
paper folded in my hand, I finally let it slip out of my tight hold. I didn’t
need it anymore. I knew the words by memory.
“I can’t marry you. Sorry. Keith.”

Hot males the world should know by heart.

    So, what I am about with this post? Well...honestly? I'm merely a humble server of the superior powers. They have spoken and they want me to right a wrong. That's right. They have kindly put on this earth superior sentient gifts for us women to delate and feast our eyes upon and they are not receiving its due attention. Gifts, you say? Perhaps you may be more familiar with the tacky term of male candy, which, in my opinion, does not do justice to the men herein this post, for it degrades them to a meat bar level.
Each day I'll be presenting a new face for us to know and love...
Let the countdown begin:
10)  Kit Harrington:
I relegated him to the tenth spot not because he doesn't deserve number one but because he is somewhat known by those who watch GAME OF THRONES...and if you haven't watched that show: SHAME ON YOU- I write this while mentally doing the Uncle Sam gesture of pointing judgmentally at you.

Back to the main affair. This hairy manly man plays the character of Jon Snow in the HBO series, and let me just say that he does a fantastic job out of it--so yeah, I also watch it for the plot-*grins*-.
This english babe is 26 years old and single (or so he claims and I hope). For all those who are just as me, here is an interesting quote from his interview with glamour magazine's in which he reveals what he is looking for in a girlfriend:

"She's got to be funny. I like a girl who does not take me seriously, you know? It's important to be able to laugh at each other," the single star says. "And I like a girl who eats. I much prefer that she order the burger."

    Well, color me interested and put a ring on it! LOL. Ok, enough of words, show me his money maker! You dirty minded-you! I meant his face! 

Rarrrr, right?

I just want to run my finger in that unruly hair of his. And then give them free rein to go crazy with the rest of him--yep, making my parent proud one word at the time!-.

Look at him, working the thinker pose! Work it, babe. 

Oh my nerd! Let's take a few minutes to fully appreciate how hot he looks with glasses. Not everybody can get away with that! 

Here is another powerful reason why to love this man. HE EFFING KNOWS JASON MOMOA!!!! You would be all like: so, hon, what you wanna do tonight? and he would answer something like: why don't we go out with Jason? and then you'll try--but will fail miserably- to hide your excitement by playing it down, so you'll be like: oh, ok, cool. no biggie, I mean, if that's what you want, 'cause I sure don't mind. But Kit will not get mad at you; first off, he is not the jealous type- that's for insecure, ugly people, and secondly, the two of you have an arrangement, you can look but you can't touch, but most importantly, at the end of the night you own each other's ass- I know, I can be romantic like that. 

That'll be all for today. 

Stay tuned for more HOTTIES with a Body and Talent, of course, that's important, too... 

Trust me there will be more . Until tomorrow, my doves.   

This photo was taken from: http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTA2NTI0NjYxMTBeQTJeQWpwZ15BbWU3MDIxMjgyNzY@._V1._SX214_CR0,0,214,314_.jpg

Open letter for the broken hearts:

Open your ears and listen to what I've come here to tell. Wake up...that time has come. I beg you to reconsider. I want you to stop and wonder how it's going to be once you cross that threshold, for once in the other side, my love, I won't be anymore. I want you to wonder how it's going to be without me.

This photo is intellectual property of Phatpyppyart. 

Surfing through earlier works...

As I cleaned the memory of my laptop of garbage works, I found this particular one, which made me laugh and decided to share it. It was supposed to be the story of Azure- maybe one day I'll go back to her...but for now, enjoy!

(Warning: this publication may content strong language for minors under eighteen, so parental supervision is advised.) 

From Azure at midnight

“Step away from the bacon… slowly. And maybe…just maybe… you might make it out of this alive. And in one piece.”

A whimper left his lips, “But-But…it’s my bacon.”

Hadn’t he uttered a single complain about resigning his bacon to me, I might have been pushed into believing he had tampered with the food, in the hopes of poising me and saving all his future bacon. Still…he was delaying the inevitable here. I wanted that bacon. No. Scratch that…I needed it. A raised brow, “Umm. Is it? Is it, really? ‘Cause I’m certain that it is mine.”

Trembling lower lip. “But…but…I paid for it.”

The impudence of this man had no boundaries, “Let my appreciation for the gesture be duly noted. Now back the fuck off.” I growled back at him. I managed to learn how to growl very early in live. There are kids who’d secretly feed their dogs under the table. I was most definitely not one of those idiots when a child, hell no, I growled back at my dog-Tarzan-to beat it from under the table or else…

Xander’s vibrant baby blue eyes widened. Blink, blink, just like an owl. “Ok…Suzie, you are scaring me.”

Narrowed eyes, triangle hands position- just like Mr. Burns. “It seems to me that I am not doing such a great job, since your fork is still close to my bacon. So let me make this perfectly clear for you. If you so much as make a false move for my bacon, I will stab you with your own fork.” At his frown I decided to expound on my reasoning, not that I should for it ought to be obvious, really. I blame his mother for dropping him when a baby, not that I have proofs besides moments like this…but I was as certain as one can be without having any proofs. “I’d use mine but we don’t want to go spreading germs around, you know. It’s more hygienic to just use yours.”

A cringe, “Uhhhh. Thank you?”

I tsked, “You illiterate, ingrate. Just because of that I will use my own fork and give your immune system a run for its money. Let’s see how you’ll like that.” I threatened with fork in the air.

A deep intake of air. “This is not worth a trip to the hospital. Here. Take it. Take it all, you bottomless pit.” He finally handed the plate over to its rightful owner.

I scoffed in disgust, “And that’s exactly why you don’t deserve it, Xander. Bacon is worth anything. I keep telling you. You are not paying its due respect. One day…one day, bacon will replace money as our currency. Just wait and see.”

“You are such a freak.” He hissed, making an effort to shadow his face with his hand. Obviously trying his best not to being seen with the likes of me. Just because of that, I’ll be louder and crasser.

I smiled trough a mouthful of bacon. “I take that as a compliment. So thank you.” I made sure he could see the food in my mouth.  

“Such a lady.” He snapped angrily, shoving a napkin my way.

I refused it and wiped off my mouth with the back of my hand, “Haven’t you read the latest Cosmo? Femininity is out. Pmsing, bacon eater females are in. Try to keep up, will ya.”

“Yes… I can barely help these alien feelings, well, attraction if I am to be honest, that I am experiencing toward you, and I’m gay!— imagine that. It’s like…I want to rip off your clothes, throw you on this same table on which we eat and dry hump your leg and work my way up like a nervous Chihuahua. Seriously. Can’t you tell that I am fighting it with all that I am? For this would change our friendship forever.” He said all of this with a straight face.

I gave him a helpless shrug, “I know. I am sexy like that. But I’ll tell you what. Buy me another order of bacon, and we will go later tonight for some drinks-on me, of course- and then we could French kiss the hell out of each other and blame it on heterosexual curiosity-on your part, duh— and high levels of alcohol—that would be on le me… I will even go as far as granting you limited access to my boobs. You know you like them. Not that I blame you. They are truly beautiful.”

He nodded supportively, “You are right. Your tits are ah-mazing. But if you want me to buy you another serving, then I demand touch plus play.”

I pretended to think it through, “You draw a hard bargain, Xander, but I accept. But before I put out, though, show me the bacon.”

Not being able to hold it in any longer, we finally burst out laughing when the scratch of a throat that, if judging by the rawness of the sound, must have dried up during the time when Tutankhamen was alive. I craned my neck so to be able to see around Xander’s black haired head, and sure enough, in the table across from ours there was a judgmental glare that matched the sound the woman emitted.

            I assessed the intruding woman with a passing glance, after all there wasn’t that much to look at. If I were her, I would try and not get murder without an ID on me, for she would be one of those cases labeled as a Jane Doe-a.k.a. the bitchy owner of non-descriptive features; not that I would ever say this at loud, mind you, these people might misinterpret my well intended advice as a death threat. Which it wasn’t.  I was just playing with the possibilities.

Tossing her bland brown hair over her shoulder, “You do realize that we can hear everything you two are saying from over here, right?” The fastidious woman spat out. With all that concentrated hate, I short of expected to find a certain killing shine in the depths of her eyes, but no, there was none. Just insipid, dull, brown eyes.

            Xander made the let me take this one gesture, so I backed off, this wasn’t our first rodeo. “Well, now that you mention it, that is mighty rude of you, considering you were not invited to partake of this conversation.”

            She gasped dramatically, her hand going for her chest, “How dare you!” 

Ripples in the reflection...

This photo belongs to Phatpuppyart, it was retrieved from:
http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/159/7/f/eternal_flame_by_phatpuppyart-d3id1xi.jpg

"With an all-consuming dread I dare take a look at the reflection I have eluded for so long. The eyes staring back at me chant stories that are best forgotten but never will be. Trembling fingers reach for the image, wanting to harness it…embrace it even, but it blurs at contact, leaving ripples in the water at its wake. Now this I recognize, a blurred version of myself. But to her, I here and now make a promise…I'll find myself…I'll grow into myself…and that day- the world better be prepared because with the same intrinsic radiance a star shines in her dying days I’ll illuminate a world filled with unseeing beings…and even them will see."

I wrote this exactly a year ago when things were going really rough for me. I can now look back without cringing at the memory, so I think it was about time I posted this one.

My other novel on the making: The Ballbuster (Previous Title: The ungodly hour)

You can find this and other stories of mine on Wattpad

First Chapter: The Ungodly Hour

   That son of a bitch. That …. bastard- prick, jerk….son of a bitch. Good riddance…it. Was. A freaking… good riddance. The truth of these words would start sinking in me at some point. It was bound to happen…surely.

     I felt my fingers numbing around the crushed paper hidden in my hand. Maybe if I pressed it harder it wouldn’t be real. In an act of magic it would disappear, a girl could always hope, right? No, I stopped myself a second later; if an act magic was going to take place let it not be wasted on that.  No. I would much rather for him to go impotent. Permanently. And bald… at random spots. That would be good and fair. Themis, herself would be proud. Not that I was Greek…but. Yeah, it applied. Her just love would without doubt unfurl something large enough to welcome a non Greek in its warm, vindictive embrace.

    Really. How was it possible for six non-consequentialwords to bring the world down to your feet? I was pretty sure that normally, those words- when separated- wouldn’t mean a thing. But when arranged in such order in such a day? It was sheer luck I was still standing.

    Everything felt surreal to me…as though I was a spectator at the back of my throbbing head but nothing more. I swear I could hear the blood pumping in my ears, muting the rest of the world. My body, mind and soul were irrevocably disconnected. Time became irrelevant, my movements little better than lethargic and my traitorous mind was wandering back and forth without coherent pattern to follow. Why wouldn’t my mind stick to the plan? Even Dorothy knew this. Follow the freaking proverbial yellow brick path! But no…the places where my back-stabbing psyche adventured were hellish. Nothing yellow about it. More like blue…like a sad, sad blues. But even those emotions didn’t feel like my own.

    With a cold sense of detachment of it all, I stopped staring at my unfamiliar, trembling hands to look afore me. Somehow I had managed avoiding doing so until now. I frowned in open disgust, nothing could have ever prepared me for what I saw; the glee in some eyes, the pity in others. Vultures, a voice in my head whispered in my ear. My stomach knotted in understandable response. I tried to picture the crowd naked…that only increased the speed of bile running its way up my burning throat.

    My gaze hadn’t been raised completely when a sudden thought hit me. It’s not odd for a residence with a vantage view to be priced higher than those looking to a wall. Right now…I would pay double for having a wall in front of me instead of this. You see, at the altar there was very little that could not be seen. I could even easily discern the stark pity shinning through in the many eyes focusing on me. For me. I hated it. It wasn’t welcomed. I didn’t want it nor needed it, damn it. 

     How could he? How could a person be this cruel?

    I shook my head, refusing to go there. Not yet. Not when there were so many people watching my downfall. Relishing on it, even. Besides, if I started dwelling on it now it would show. I didn’t have a poker face. It had always been like that. Whatever I think ends up showing in my features as though it was an open search in google for the world to see.

    “Can I have your attention, please? I have an announcement to make.” I said this in a steady tone, forcing strength and conviction through my gritted teeth. Even then, I felt tears starting to build behind my eyes, my throat was threatening with closing in on me….choking down the words for good. Not that the idea didn’t have its appeal. But I had to do this. Only then I could give in to the pain consuming my core.

     Bastard. Hear, hear! Let it be known that from now on he would be acknowledged as Lord Voldemort. The unmentionable one. That or the bastard. I refused to call him any other way.    

     Humph. So many eyes. So many freaking eyes were watching me. Heavy droplets of cold sweat ran the length of my stiffened spine; my mouth felt awfully parched. I hated it. In a sudden surge of suppressed anger, I pressed even harder the paper in my hand as though that was his sorry neck. I smiled in dark satisfaction at that.

     Raising my chin higher, “The wedding is off. Feel free to show yourself the way to the reception and stuff yourself up.” Like turkeys. “After all, everything is paid for so...” I started to march down the aisle, trying to pay no heed to the insistent gawks and hurtful comments thrown my way. I continued on, never turning around to lock eyes with anyone. I’d have loved to walk in a faster pace but that would have required taking off my high heels…and if I was going to keep something, pride and shoes seemed fine and dandy with me. How very Sex and the City of me to associate pride with high heels. But there it was…I refused to give him what little I had left.

     The swoosh among the congregation didn’t have me long to wait. It went from a quiet shushing to a blatant gossiping in less than fifteen seconds flat. And the worse of it all was that all of these people were here for him but I was the one left behind to faze them. To sort out the mess. Damn it. Damn him. I barely knew a few of the vultures sitting here. And those few who did know me looked elsewhere as though I carried the bubonic pest in my gaze.

    “I saw it coming.” Said a lady on the front row. The older women sitting next to her nodded her agreement. She bobbed her head enthusiastically. I wished for her head to fall off her neck. That would teach her.  

     In a spit of anger I wanted to yell at them: “then why the fuck didn’t you say a thing, Betty White?”

    No, that wasn’t right, I chastised myself right away. I didn’t like this woman. I liked Betty White. Nobody could hate that particular old lady. She was awesome. Humph. I wished to be her right now; she would know what to do. And if not she would at least keep interesting company…Like Hugh Jackman or Ryan Reynolds.

    “Can you blame him, really? I might have done the same thing had I been him.” Said a chubby guy, who I vaguely recognized as one of the college friends of the Unmentionable One.

    I sneered mentally at the guy, raising my chin higher still—in a separate note, if I kept that up I would end up looking heavenward--Short of growling, I said, “Well, the joke is on you, frat boy. I wouldn’t have  given you even the time of the day. Jerk.” I would like to say his words didn’t hurt me. But they cut deep, and at the moment I didn’t have enough strength left in me to lie, much less, to myself. Maybe after a hard-core week of self-pity I’ll have the strength to start picking up the pieces and put up a front. Smile 24-7 until the inside matches the self-forced-smiley outside.  

    My scrambling mind started wandering of its own accord...again. But this time I knew where it was headed. Apathy for the bastard should have been rolling off me in strong waves; strong enough to sweep somebody’s feet from under them. The rot feeling was definitely there, at the pit of my stomach, which apparently was taking the whole brunt of the event like a Vietnam Veteran…However, some of that anger was self-directed. I started questioning if there was something wrong with me. If there was something I should have done differently. As stupid as it sounded. But that was that.

    Damn it, I didn’t want to think about it right now but….his nerve baffled the mind, really. Questions and more questions started pouring from somewhere deep in my soul. As though the thing was bleeding profusely and now couldn’t be stopped. It’s just that… He could have talked to me. I would have listened. Instead he decided to give me the silence of his absence…For he didn’t considerate necessary to explain why. And to think I approached him nothing short of a month ago and gave him a way out. I did so even when it cost me a part of my soul that will never be the same. Last time I checked that didn’t regenerate. But I couldn’t pretend that things hadn’t changed after the incident five months ago. I wasn’t the same one afterwards…neither was he for that matter. Not willing to play the fool, I went to him and told him that it wasn’t too late to stop everything. That we could have a quiet arrangement and that I wouldn’t think less of him because of it. (Sure. I would have been angry –at the time being- and most likely I’d have hated him for a couple of years. But eventually I would have gotten over it. I’d have been grateful, even. Probably. At some point, surely.) One thing was for certain though. I loved him and because of that I wanted him to be happy even if it wasn’t with me. There was a selfish part about my approaching him. I did it for me as well. I didn’t want to get married for the wrong reasons, I remember saying to him. I didn’t need an honorable, bitter man standing next to me for the rest of my life, I assured him. I wanted a husband who loved me for me… not because of a compromise and some wrongly misplaced sense of honor. I wanted a man who cherished the time spent with me. Not a man who considered me a heavy weight to be dealt with. I wanted a lover…a partner. 

    To think…that The Bastard looked me in the eye that day and with a heavy tone told me that I was crazy for bringing that up. That he loved me no matter what. That I needed to get it into my thick skull that we belonged together, that nothing would change that…that he was going nowhere without me, he said. So long for that, right?

    Working on a faster pace, I made my way out of the church, leaving behind the twilight zone. Trying idly to outrun the turmoil of my sadistic mind which was settled on destroying what little pride I had left. But my mind wouldn’t shut up regardless of how far I went or how hard I ran. One thing was for certain: Mind can be such a bitch.

    I felt so utterly lonely…the day I was supposed to get married. The day I wasn’t supposed to be alone anymore. When the heavy doors opened, I welcomed the bitter cold air hitting my face. It was like a wake up slap from reality. I stopped at the front stairs of the church to breathe but soon found out I couldn’t. Not with everything so close…so fresh. So I took my shoes in hand and ran and then kept on running without a real sense of purpose or as it to where. Pressing one last time the paper folded in my hand, I finally let it slip out of my tight hold. I didn’t need it anymore. I knew the words by memory.

    “I can’t marry you. Sorry--Keith.”

The first chapter of The Ascension of the Phoenix: Trailed

Chapter 1: Trailed

You would assume getting sent into a reformatory is a clear sign that your life is pretty messed up. And most likely you would be right... Not that it matters anymore. Since today was my last day inside the Sorensen Reformatory. It wasn’t as bad as one would think. I wouldn’t go that far and say I would have liked to stay there any longer since my life is not that messed up as to prefer a reformatory instead of returning home…but the thing is, I don’t have a home to return to…Perhaps a house but not a home. And that’s something else I must learn to live with. Another mistake to weight down the already heavy sack on my back. Whatever. I shook my head, releasing my mind from such troubling thoughts. I had a home; darn it…no matter the place- home was with mom.

    Hmm, on second thought…I guess home shall be whichever place is Ed lives. By the way, what kind of name is Ed? I mean, that’s more like a nickname than a name, right? That’s a two letters name…just saying. Anyhow, I only got to hear about Ed a few weeks ago during one of my restricted phone calls. So yes, I haven’t even met him but I’m supposed to go directly out of here and then get into his home…yay me! Not.

     Alyson, aka mom, told me that we’ve been doing things my way and let’s not talk about the consequences- she just very delicately pointed out the place from which I was calling her, so now we will be doing things her way. And getting hitch with Ed was the way to go. So yes, Ed is, aka: my stepfather to be. Maybe somebody should tell mom that we teenagers are more than fine with an Ipad. Just saying.

    At first, she wasn’t really in love with the guy- she was only doing it for me, for us. And it sounded as the best way to hide our scents from the fire hounds which were starting to step closer. I knew this in my heart; every wild heartbeat pumped updates of their closeness to my ears. That’s how it works. But during our last call, right after she dropped the Hiroshima bomb on me, the pending threat of the fire hounds was the last thing on my mind.  “I love him”, she said and all hell broke loose. That should have been enough reason for me to put my foot down and stop this thing right away, since mixing business with pleasure has never been a good idea to start anything. But… she hasn’t been happy for so long. And giving her the space to explore whatever this is was the least I could do. Perhaps I was being blindsided by my remorseful side. Whatever the reason-even if I come to regret this—I am going to back down and let her enjoy it. It’s just that mom truly deserves to be more than cheerful after the huge sacrifices she has done for me- which lately have been plenty.

    Darn it, there I go again. No self-pitying! Much less when there was no amaretto ice cream near by! Yeah. Easier said than done. Leaving our people behind wasn’t easy, let’s not say about giving up immortality-well kinda, long story…But then again, who would want immortality when you would be forced to spend it next to someone who believed in everything you stood against? But that was me. That was my problem. Not hers. Never hers. She could have easily turned me in to our people and keep up the life style. The act itself wouldn’t have been frowned upon. We are no humans, so we have never worked under the same family attachments as humans do. But that was back then now we are a solid unit…since the two of us is all there is.

   I don’t think the thought of giving me in ever crossed her mind. And that’s why I won’t put a stop to what’s going on in her life –it’s my way of paying her back. Even when everything inside me was telling me how wrong it was for her to be with a human as a “mate”.  Maybe it was not “me” parse what was talking …but the tradition by which I was raised…the phoenixes shouldn’t mix with humans-that’s law. But then again, phoenixes aren’t meant to abandon Ceylon- the compound from which we are now and forever forsaken-and we did. Maybe some rules are meant to be broken. I would sure do it all over again in the space of a heartbeat. No matter the troubles it has caused us.

    I tilted by head back and let the sweet scent of liberty fill my nostrils, to be quite sincere; the air smelled pretty much the same that back at my room. I think it’s because liberty doesn’t have a particular scent to it, except when you are a prisoner locked in a dingy room…then liberty will sure smell like something to you. But it did felt different though, because it was the end of the summer and I sure loved the sun hitting my face…that’s liberty to me.

    As soon as those gigantic, black iron gates opened, my jaw hit the ground, I saw my once glorious car waiting outside for me-but I only wanted to cry. Since my black 78 Chevy Camaro had been tainted by HER…Alyson was driving it; I can see it, she must have been treating it like if it was a vulgar shopping cart. She was checking out her nails, dismissively, resting her back against the side of the car. 

    Irritation started flowing through my veins in a ridiculous speed. Over nothing, really. I felt like ants were crawling inside my skin; many of them. In seconds it was turning into something dark and dangerous. I breathed in and out a few times, trying to calm the rising explosion. Closing my eyes, I focused with all my might on burying the feelings deep inside me. I thought I was handling quite well the effect of being in close proximity to humans. But obviously not so. Their emotions were like a slow torture these past days since I couldn’t process them properly.  They were coming in but not out. And they were magnifying my own. Tapping the wilderness of my kind.

    Once I felt in control, I tightened my hands on the straps of my bag and made my way to where she was standing. Mom smiled genuinely at me and her green jade eyes were filled by tears starting to build. I have always thought she looks prettier when surrounded by mortals…it gives her an interesting glow. And I must admit something about our relationship; while, I will never say it out loud…I envied her. She’s so beautiful it hurts the eyes; every time we walk together everyone only looks at her, I’m nonexistent next to her. That doesn’t mean I would like to have a human mate like she does, but still, I do have a battered self-esteem-thanks to her. Her long red hair looks like a volcanic eruption while mine is as black as the ashes left after the fire is way done, and let’s not talk about her figure…not too long ago I learned, thanks to her, again, what the letters MILTF stand for (Let’s just say one of my creepy roommates kept asking me when Alyson was coming back…and those letters happened to be among the conversation…yeah- I won’t be missing some things from the reformatory). The only common thing between us is our green jade eyes and some other things you wouldn’t be able to point out just by sight. But as soon as I saw her honest reaction by just seeing me, my stupid insecurities went away. Her arms flew wide open and I buried myself in her earnest embrace.

    “Nix, are you all right? I have missed you so much!” Her voice has some melodious tone to it and like if her looks weren’t enough, every time she speaks people seems to fall in love with her. I extended my hand and played with one of the curls of her red hair as I always did since little, but things have change, as proof of it I could smell Ed’s scent on her, and that’s why I took my hand back to my side.

    I wrapped my arms around me, almost giving myself a hug. “Yeah mom, I am perfectly fine…um, could we leave now?” I turned tenser than I would have liked, since I didn’t want to hurt her…but it’s hard to get used to the fact of my mom dating- and what not- a human.  I walked to the driver seat, when mom scratched her throat. She only scratches her throat when something is wrong since we never get sick. So, with meticulous control, I turned around to see what she was about. And that’s when I noticed she had followed me; she was standing right behind me. Gosh, my reflexes suck! “Mom, you know you can’t sit on my lap. There is the passenger seat, though; I bet is not as comfortable, but it will have to do.” I smiled sweetly.

   She crossed her arms over her chest, and for the first time I happened to see what she was wearing. She looked gorgeous in that teal blue cocktail dress she was wearing; it even had some serious cleavage going on for her. Then I asked myself…why on earth would a person dress up like that to pick up someone who just got out from a reformatory. I was wearing some wore old jeans with a bland white t-shirt and my old gray converse …yeah, like a said, battered self-esteem.

    She tapped her nose with her forefinger and removed it only to point at me. “Well let’s see, shall we? According to judge Matthews, you are not supposed to drive for at least six more months. When due time…maybe then you can drive again. So yes, Nix, I guess the passenger seat will have to do- for you.”

    I craned my neck…I got some spasms going on there, some serious stress accumulated. “Alyson, don’t get me wrong, but you do drive like an old lady and I need to release some energy before meeting your beloved Ed. So…”I waived her off.

    Under normal circumstances her voice would soothe the crankiest person in the whole world. But when she was mad? Hell no. It gave her a dangerous edge…an edge that would intimidate almost anyone.  “Nix, passenger seat. Now.” She narrowed her eyes at me…and there was no need to be so rude!

   I harrumphed. Just for the show. Of course I would do as told but nobody said I had to smile while I do it. “Fine woman, but when you see me cranky- Oh, and that will happen…don’t ask why!”

    Shrugging one shoulder, “I guess will have to manage and something tells me we will survive.” She said with a bored tone. “By the way, when was the last time you used your powers?”

     I furrowed my eyebrows, “Two full moons ago, why?” I looked at her with kindled curiosity.

     She smiled in that condescending way mothers- no matter the breed- like to use, “Well, maybe that’s why you are so cranky. I am not taking away from your natural capacity to be so, sweetheart. But this time I think it’s just your powers talking.”

   I walked pass her and reluctantly took the passenger seat. I threw my bag on the back seat and as soon as I was inside my car I couldn’t help but noticing all the empty and disgusting recipients from fast food laying around. “Mom, what the hell? Have you been eating in my car? Couldn’t you just throw them out? You can take the truth out of a person but you can’t manage to throw away some garbage?” I started to pick things up and throwing them inside an empty bag all along while mumbling things like: courtesy and polite society.

    Mom rolled her eyes, “Dear, the next full moon is within two days and I am begging of you that as soon as you get the chance, go and release some stamina.” She gave me this sideway smile and then couldn’t help but to let out a soulful sigh. I knew what was bothering her… that as soon as she started the engine it could only mean we would be on our way to Ed’s house. “Look, I know you are apprehensive and a little upset about this whole thing…but you will like it, I promise.” I widened my eyes when she said a “little”.  As though I hadn’t hinted anything, she started the engine and away we went.

    I crushed my teeth, “Don’t make promises you might not be able to keep, Alyson.” Regret flowed to me as soon as the words were out. “I’m sorry…Umm, I bet you are right, mom. I will like it…I will love it there.” Or fake it until I make it.

    I wanted to hit myself. What happened to the promise I made earlier about backing out and let her bask in her… glow? I was sure doing a poor job at it! I swear I wasn’t this conceited under normal circumstances. At least I didn’t think I was. I smiled at her, trying my best to make my empty words sound somehow heartfelt. “I am serious, Mom. I am fine with all of this.” 

   Looking at me out the corner of her eyes, “You’ll have your own room and there is Declan and Joshua…you always said you wanted sisters...” I looked at her like if to say did you just call them sisters? “I know they are not girls’, darling, but it’s better than nothing at all…you’ll have brothers then.”

    “Mom, I am seventeen, I think I am over the phase of “momma I want sisters to play with”, and in case you have been giving some thought to it…I won’t babysit.” There was a line I needed to draw somewhere. And babysitting humans was it.

     She laughed at it…but I was dead serious about it. “There is no need, Nix.”

    At that I was offended, “Oh, why? Because I am an irresponsible teenager who just got out from a reformatory? Doesn’t Ed approve me?” I know I was being irrational here but I couldn’t help it. Truly. Hurtful words just came tumbling out of my mouth without any command on my part. Then again, it was to be expected, it’s just that I thought I would be able to handle it better…or more gracefully. I should have known better. What the hell was I thinking when I thought I could control this? I didn’t complete my training, for pity’s sake! I felt like a preschooler. I might know history and math and what not…but I didn’t know the first thing of being a phoenix. And wasn’t that important! 

    I heard teeth clenching, “There is no way to make you happy, is it? And no, Nix, Ed doesn’t even know where you had been for the last couple of months. Well, sort of. I told him you were on an exchange program.” I saw a flicker of regret cross her eyes. I could tell she didn’t like lying to Ed. No, I corrected myself. She just didn’t like to lie. Lying to Ed hurt her that much more.

    And still, even knowing this I couldn’t bring myself to juts shut the hell up. “Wow mom, what a way to start a relationship!”

    Her knuckles turned white due to the hard pressing of her fingers on the wheel. “Nix, I am starting to think than since we can’t fast-forward the full moon, you should drive.”

    “Really?” Hope bursting inside me.

    She snorted, “No, of course not. So suck it up, darling.”

     I gave a snort of my own, “So mom, who taught you that language…was it Ed?”  Without waiting for an answer, I turned my face away from her and focused on the trailing of trees left behind.

     She blew out a sigh as if to center herself or gather enough courage. She was wearing some tight smile…and it was scaring the crap out of me…it was a smile I knew all too well. Yeah, it’s the kind of smile she only wears when she thinks she is doing something good for me…but then I totally disagree. “Um…Nix, there is something else. I sign you up in a human school, you are starting on Monday.” She didn’t even bother looking back at me. And I have to give something to her…she never goes round and around over things…just straight to the heart…like right now. Ouch.

   “What?”

And my personal hell broke loose. 

Inspired by soap operas...

With tears in her eyes, "Is this what getting older means? Accepting that you're not that special, at least not as much as you originally thought?;
He remained quiet. Until she began to think he hadn't heard her. Then with solemnity that only tough times can bestow, "No. That's not what it means. It's just that you haven't met the right person yet. Because that person is who'll convince you of how especial you really are."

A quote I love from my first book

Aisha Blackwell's Chronicles 

"I knew Aisha’s heart. I knew her better than herself …and she was beautiful and strong and felt deep. 

It has always surprised me to see the way she saw herself; how little she thought about her person. It 

struck me as surprising because every single time I’ve seen her, I’ve thought her larger than life. And 

that’s why the world feared her. Because they couldn’t compare to her; she raised a new bar for others to be measured by. Because looking at the sun hurts…and she was that to me. My own piece of sky."  

 

Something to think about:

"There comes a moment in life when one must acknowledge that you just can't keep looking back into your past for reasons to keep someone in your present and future. Regardless of how much looking that cruel reality in the eye hurts...memories can't be enough."

My new work; prologue of the new book in the Aisha Blackwell's Chronicles

Be warned: This book is going to be a bit darker than the first. There will also be more action, new scenes from other kingdoms and laughter...oh and some drama-love related. But hey, what life (fictional or not) without its ups and downs, right? I must admit that it has been different and difficult at times for me work with such a grim tone. I trend more to comedy...but I think I've been doing okay. Still, I'll allow others be the judge of that. 

Here is a sneak peek of what's to come 

Prologue

Selene looked up; I caught a startled cringe cross her youthful features before she could hide it from sight. Self-consciously, I tugged on the cowl of the cloak until it covered my face from view. My mind was coldly grazed by a most displeased presence; I could tell it hadn’t liked my open display of weakness. It didn’t understand my reasoning; not knowing how to express his disapproval through mortal ways, I heard sorrowful mourns that should have scared me but that now didn’t for I had become accustomed to. As a matter of point, I derived strength from its mere existence. It was promise of sorts.

     Unbidden anger rolled over me; replacing my cockamamie, earthy self doubts. I gave free rein to my tempestuous emotions; I wanted her to feel them...to fear me. For her fear fed my power. The world became red as though I was taking it in through tainted lens…but I knew. The world wasn’t red…it were just my profane eyes, the world through those eyes. The girl’s frightened gaze widened when my dark force reached her kneeling form. My sharp gaze zeroed in on her nervous fidgeting, I felt a perverse flick of satisfaction run wild in my veins at the sight. I had to caught myself before a moan left my lips; closing my lids so to hide my eyes rolling into the back of my head in boundless bliss.

Then I remembered why she was here and the flicks of satisfaction were obliterated by cold, murdering fury, leaving a sour taste at its wake. Ugh. I should have her publically flogged for her incompetence as an example to others; she had failed me. And failure wasn’t acceptable. But punishing her in that fashion would beat the purpose of secrecy. That was the only reason her back was not a bleeding, shredded mess. “Tell me…one more time…what happened.” She bitted her lips, evidently pondering the wisdom of answering my question; her slight hesitation, as small as it was, was taken as a direct insult to my person.

            My powers throbbed inside me; in the blink of an eye, a visible force shook my body and poured off of me in strong, pulsating waves. “Now. I want to hear you now, Selene.”

             Her soulful brown eyes blinked repeatedly before fastening on the marble floor. Avoiding my rusty eyes at all cost. “We underestimated her. We…we…we outnumbered her by many, as planned…but o-overpowering her was not a matter of numbers.” She was stating the obvious. My jaw tightened in irritation.

            “Selene?” The sound that left my lips close to a hiss. I wet my cracked, dry lips. My throat felt raw, I tasted the entity’s starvation as though it was my own, turning my voice undeniably rasp. 

            “Mistress?” She said warily, not meeting my gaze.

            “Skip to the part I want to hear.” I commanded.

            She swallowed audibly, “Jade…did not say your name, Mistress. However…she did say…that you were a member among our Council. I heard her clearly as day. Aisha knows. Assuming she remembers, of course.”

   And just like the coward she was, she had listened hidden in the shadows, faraway from peril.  She could have killed Aisha Blackwell when that offending female was down. But she did nothing of the sort. Foregoing, once again, a direct order. I had no use in my ranks for someone who dared defy my ruling. This girl kneeling in front of me was now a walking…talking liability. I had no tolerance for loose ends. Nor patience. Right on the heel of that realization, I felt the frosty breath of something outwardly whispering in the back of my head intelligible sweet nothings…seducing me into rescinding control to him. Reminding me of its presence. “Really, Selene…was it really that hard? And as for Jade…well, she has to die. Dead people can’t talk, now can they?”

            Just then she looked up and understanding of her situation dawned on her. I could tell she knew she would be sharing Jade’s fate. But it was too late.

            The shinny black floor on which she kneeled started to tremble and crumble apart, a never-ending pit appeared from under her. Only a small piece of swaying marble now held her. She tried to move away, escape her fate, but her feet were securely frozen to the ground by glistening blue hands that arose from under her and held her still. Her terror filled screams were an unwelcome annoyance to my sensible ears. Silence her, I commanded the bounded entity residing within me. With lethal glee it let out an earsplitting yowl while separating from my tangible form; crystal vases exploded, giving under the pressure. From my chest a light bright enough to blind human eyes appeared and diffused, illuminating the dark cave to daylight proportions.   

With cracking contortions of muscles, the diabolical, primordial apparition made its way to Selene. The eerie sounds reverberated on the walls, multiplying. The incorporeal entity condensed into an inglorious sight; it was grotesque, to be sure, but beautiful at the same time in its raw, magnetic power. White-eyes shone brightly from an inhuman contour, too many misshapenness together on that face to call it human-like. Its almost seven feet of height were too much to take in at once. The double row of incisors of the creature grew to feral lengths; the condensing change never altering the slow pace of the creature. I was well aware the Triata could have quickened his walk…but the creature was enjoying the torturous tempo; how its victim suffered each second he delayed that final blow. I felt the echo of its twisted pleasure flickering inside me, after all, we were connected…the derived gratification seemed to start at the pit of my belly and then extend toward my limbs like firecrackers.

            The male Triata extended its hand and grazed Selene’s face with his pointy talons, marking his pray as caught; leaving three deep bloody indentations on the girl’s now marred skin. Just playing with her. In the next instant, the girl’s jaw started to open and continued to do so until it reached unnatural spans; I knew it not to be of her own accord. The dislocating pop of a jaw had me flinching lightly, involuntarily; the Triata started to enter her body in order to posses it. His naked, shinny black foot was the first thing to be shoved into her body. I watched all with cold detachment from my throne. She was no one to me…just a mean to an end.

            With the deed done, Selene’s body stopped trembling; it still showed signs of intense fatigue, her form was covered in perspiration and her breathing was ragged, labored. A full hour passed before her eyes popped open. Her once brown eyes were now an egg –white from corner to corner, the need to feed was most evident in its milky gaze; the eyes of a Triata looked back at me from a girl’s face. “Come here, my pet, it’s time for your feeding.” I showed the newly Triata possessed girl my vein. Like a poisonous snake, Selene’s body hissed and lunched for the exposed pad of white flesh I offered at my wrist. Her incisors lengthened and sunk true into my skin. My head lulled back in unchecked enjoyment; the Triata varied between pulling and swallowing down big gulps of the liquid of life I freely gave. Her eyes snapped open and held mine; the brown iris slowly returning to the girl’s eyes; at once concealing her true nature. I snaked my right hand into her long, luscious hair, pressing her fangs deeper. 

            All would be well, I mused to myself. Aisha Blackwell was a walking corpse. It was a matter of letting her body know it was past time to drop dead. I smiled brightly. Tomorrow could not come fast enough.

All for now. 

Well, here I leave you the trailer for book one. :p